Wednesday, February 22, 2012

PYHO: My Mom . . .

First, let me start by saying that I have the best parents in the world. They are amazing. They are always there for us whenever we need a babysitter for the kids. We can take small couple trips and know that our kids are being well taken care of. They also watch them whenever we want a night out. Plus, they get them once a week, which is nice for us. So yes, we are VERY lucky.

But one reason they get them every week is because MY MOM has asked me if she can take them one night a week. SHE asked me. I didn't ask her. She says they pay more attention to her when I'm not around, so she likes to have them by herself. So while it's greatly appreciated, it was HER idea, not mine.

Now that being said, she is constantly saying things that really upset me. Last week she kept Thing 3 for me all day because I had to get some things done out of town. Again, greatly appreciated, but I could have taken her with me, it just made it easier not to have to. So when I went to pick her up, she asked me if I would come over one day the following week to help her with something. I said sure, no problem, what do you need? Then she went off about how she just needed my help and they watch the kids 40-50 hours a month so the least I could do is help her with something for 1 hour. I looked at her and said, "I didn't say I wouldn't do it, I just asked you what you needed." And I walked away. But I was PI$$ED. And even though it's been over a week, I'm still a little ticked. You see, my mom says things, and then 2 minutes later she's over it, but I'm left with hurt feelings. Now, if this only happened once or twice, then no big deal. But it happens on a semi-regular basis.

I very rarely tell my Dad when these things happens. He doesn't like confrontation and it really upsets him when he thinks there's an issue, so I just keep my mouth shut, and I stay away for awhile. But this last time, he called me a couple of days after it happened, about something totally different. At the end of the conversation he said, 'when you get a chance, call your Mom, she likes hearing from you.' Well, I went off. I guess I didn't realize how upset I still was until he brought it up. But I told him that it's getting harder and harder for me to just "get over it" when she says things to me.  I told him what she said.  I told him if they don't want to take the kids every week, that's fine. They don't have to.  He said absolutely not, they love having them.  To which I replied, then why does she make it sound like you're doing us this huge favor?  You can't have it both ways.  You want to keep the kids, fine, take them.  But don't make it sound like I'm MAKING you take them.  That's not fair.

My dad told me to tell her how I feel, but I've done that before.  And instead of getting an apology, I hear 20 more reasons why what she said was right and why I have no reason to be upset.  So NO, I'm not going to tell her.  I told him I'd get over it, I always do, but that it's getting harder and harder and taking longer and longer.  Since she's not going to change, he needs to understand my reasons for pulling away, and I don't need a guilt trip from him about not calling her enough.  


  1. Being the type to make a point, I think I would have to have plans for the kids the next time they're supposed to go to the folks house and tell mom that "I'm sorry, from what you said, I thought you needed a break so I made other arrangements". Point made - politely and quickly. :)

    I'm really sorry that your mom comes off with this stuff and hurts your feelings. I know that it can't be easy and I think it's natural to avoid those situations that make us unhappy or uncomfortable and gravitate towards those people who put us at ease.

    Hugs dear!

  2. Oh, I hate that!

    If they had the idea to watch the kids in the first place, there shouldn't be a guilt trip to go along with it!